Yesterday, I was thinking about avoidance. Why do we avoid things? What is the motivation for the avoidance?
I've been hearing a lot lately about the importance of confronting those things that we are most afraid of. For me, when I hear this it translates to "Run into the burning building and save my car keys." It seems quite dangerous and ridiculously unnecessary. Why can't someone else do it? Like the fireman who is a real expert on such matters.
The truth is, why do I have to wait to move when I have the ability to do it myself?
Perhaps there are things that I find so challenging that I am not willing to be embarrassed, vulnerable or risk possibly failing. Failure however isn't messing up....failure is the avoidance of doing something for fear of failure. If I do nothing...then I certainly will fail.
With that being said....I have realized that I am not afraid of failure, but afraid of success. Which makes no sense to others. Maybe no one else can relate to me. That's okay. I will not ban you from my blog or anything...this is just where I am right now.
Today I attended the 8th Annual Poetry, Prose & Arts Festival in Pleasanton CA http://www.pleasantonarts.org/poetry_prose.html. I was surrounded with people who were so articulate, well versed in art and literature, and just incredible poets and writers. It was at some moment that I realized I was way out of my league. It was a bit overwhelming and kind of intimidating, but I refused to run out of the room. I stayed in the fire and got ideas, made connections and came away encouraged.
Will I be the next Terry McMillan or Emily Dickinson? No...I don't think so, but this event has called me out of the comfort of my own cowardice. It stirs something inside of me to stand up and let my voice be heard....even if it's by an audience of one.
Will I avoid another difficult task in my life? Probably. The issue with avoidance is this....if you don't deal with it now, you will still have to deal with it later. Who knows...perhaps it may work out better than I thought.
Till next time....
Peace
By the way...I avoided writing this post since 8/24/08. Before today, it only consisted of the first line. Now...I am dealing with my issues. LOL.
9 comments:
That was a very encouraging blog. Be strong and of good courage my sister.
Well put, and something I struggle with as well. Sometimes I try to spin it as "refraining" or "trying to not be hasty", but it all boils down to avoidance. This is my first visit to your sight, and I look forward to more of your words. kalia
Kalia thank you so much for sharing your insight here. Thank you so much for the encouragement.
I enjoyed meeting you (and appreciated your help) during the blog class on Sunday at the P&P Festival. I'm wondering if you've read Marianne Williamson's poem called Our Deepest Fear... I think you'll like it. It is so in line with your post.
http://skdesigns.com/internet/articles/quotes/williamson/our_deepest_fear/
When you were in the room and you felt like you were out of your league, that is a very common feeling. Wanna let me clue you in on a little secret? Many of those articulate people you saw in the room probably had a heart-to-heart counseling session with them in their own bedroom/bathroom/dressing room mirrors before they stepped onto the floor. In their personal chat, the dialogue usually goes something like this:
"You've worked hard to get to this point. Yes, you are out-classed by all those other talented people out there. But as long as you K.I.T. (keep it together), maybe... just maybe... if God is on your side, those people will not really know how scared you really are. And if it goes as bad as you think it will, you can always come back to the room and throw up later."
Then they smile, ask the butterflies in the stomach to at least fly in formation, say one last prayer (Lord help me), and place one foot in front of the other.
The bottom line, my sistah, is that in settings like this, you are never as out-classed as you may think you are. In fact, it is when you begin to feel like you are better than everyone else, that you humility makes way for haughty. And how can God get the glory out of haughty!
Cindy....no problem. I have the poem you speak of on my acting folder as motivation to not settle for anything less than what I am supposed to be when I grow up. Your reminder just brings that to home in a greater way! Thanks a million.
MoSigma...thanks for that...too true
Wonderful post. Feel the fear and do it anyway. You are a work in progress (we all are) and if you aren't doing SOMETHING that challenges you, you will not grow.
No, you definitely won't be the next Terry McMillan or Emily Dickinson - we already have/had them. You are, however, the first and only you that will ever exist. You owe it to yourself and all of us to just be as brilliant as you are able.
I see you.
Nicole..thank you so much for your wisdom, insight and encouragement! I take your words to heart. The SOMETHING is where my issues lie. I heard a message on yesterday about moving forward, doing something. It's the message I keep getting in the season in my life. I am picking up the ball and running with it. Can't afford to miss my window.
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